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PostPosted: Sat Jul 24, 2004 12:22 am  Reply with quote

I had my Transport Experience in the summer of 2000, a little over four years ago now. Before that time, I was an agnostic rapidly moving towards atheism, and had experienced a seemingly inescapable depression for the past year. The world was a place that I hadn’t imagined it to be; full of confusion, fear, materialism, violence, mistrust, and devoid of all the dreams, hopes, and yearnings from my childhood. In the months leading up to my TE, I went overboard on drugs and drank myself into rupturing my appendix, accumulated 11,000 dollars in debt without medical insurance, found out my father had throat cancer, got completely rejected from a woman I thought was ‘the one’, and dropped out of school.

June 22 of that year, I went to a rave in Austin (at the time I lived in San Antonio), intending to find some X, feel some semblance of hope, dance, feel alive, and get my life back on track. Instead I overdosed on LSD. I completely freaked out and ‘known’ reality came crashing down in black waves that sent me spiraling deeper and deeper to the bottom of an abyss of pure chaos and fear, complete futility, and into feelings of utter isolation and separation. Two ‘friends’ gave me a lift back to SA and on the way I begged for the hospital and an end to my experience (although that would’ve involved the police.) Instead I was ignored, driven home, dropped off, and left to myself at a time when I desperately needed someone to talk to. As I sat in my apartment, observing my personal belongings, and listening to my favorite music, I tried to find some kind of answer. But everything that I owned, listened to, and valued melted into twisted parodies and decayed versions of their former meaning. My talismans of inspiration (personal journals, art, books, music, pictures, video games, movies) became complete and utter bullshit. I was alone, without friends and family, without any goals, and without any purpose to living. There was no answer, the universe was The Nothing, and, try as I might, I could not think of one reason to go on living. Why should I? The world had taught me a hard lesson: life was a random, genetic accident; a laughable cosmic blunder of trial and error over a few billion years that allowed me to ‘be’ in a minuscule pinprick of time of all that ever was and all that would ever be; a void of creation, insignificant and worthless. As I looked at the razor and reached for it, a voice inside said, “No, that’s the easy way out.” A moment passed and then a single, ”Wait” issued forth.

I moved into the living room and crumpled to the ground. My eyes closed and another onslaught of images and feelings assailed my being. This time my actual past was relived in the present. Everything that I had ever done wrong in my life was magnified. All the things I had said, all the people I had hurt, all the humiliations I had allowed, all those times I had been a complete pussy and let love and opportunity pass me by~~all of it transformed into a suffocating weight of regret for what was lost and never to be again, shackling me down, burying me alive as I struggled to find some foundation to build upon. There was only chaos and The Nothing. I cried, I resisted, but I could not look away from what I had done, who I was, and what I was experiencing.

And finally, I gave in and said out loud, “I surrender. I accept all that I’ve done. I surrender.”

A soft blue pulsation of light summoned me from among the clothes and clutter of my apartment floor, a CD entitled Tranceport. I put it into my player and a deep and powerful beat hit me. I took a full breath and rode with the vibrations of the music, daring to climb out of the swamplands of my mired reality, to cast the chaos down with my will, to shift the fear and pain towards closure, to stand tall and make an affirmation of ‘I AM’ to the indifferent cosmos! But I couldn’t do it. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t do it. And so I fell again, this time the sensation was faster and more vicious, slamming me down, again and again, into the darkest and most fearful places within myself. The ‘life-force’ began leaving my body. I could feel myself getting colder, going limp. The end was coming, my life ebbing out, my heart slowing, my consciousness flickering and fading away. With a sigh and without resistance, I moved into the final sleep and my heart stopped. Time ceased to exist, as did I. And then it happened.

I found myself in a womblike space, an inclusive emptiness, a void within the void of the dark formless, a realm of total neutrality and mystery. And yet, I could sense there was something there, something big. Gently at first and then gathering strength, a woman’s voice floated angelically through the formless ether, surrounding me. My heart began to beat again and the hairs on my body rose in expectation of a complete and utterly unspeakable premonition of what was about to occur. Then, like a switch that had been turned from ON to OFF, a shockwave of Truth, Love, and Pure Energy reverberated through every particle, every cell, and every dimension of my being as I was ‘turned’ back ON. In the span of that one timeless, dimensionless moment, I was reborn anew. There were many visions, probabilities of potential futures. I lived an entire life in a parallel dimension with the woman I thought was ‘the one’; a complete life including marriage, the birth of our children, middle age, retirement, and death in the span of one song. I began to understand the value and play of the Light and the Dark, and how they swirl together in a dance to create movement from imbalance to grander states of balance and wholeness. At one point I was infused with geometric figures of light, mathematical ‘knowings’ to be decoded at a later time. A high and pure truth emerged from within; my life on Earth would be an adventure beyond my wildest imaginings. My purpose was to learn how to tap back into the Transport, become a keeper of its frequency, anchor it into the grid of Earth, and teach others how to do the same. As the CD climaxed and my physical body trembled on the edge of complete overload and exhaustion, I reach an exalted place. A woman’s voice instructed me with the following prophecy:

“Embracing the Goddess Energy within yourselves, will bring all of you to a new understanding and valuing of life; a vision which inspires you to live and love on planet Earth. Like a priceless jewel buried in dark layers of soil and stone, Earth radiates her brilliant beauty into the caverns of space and time. Perhaps you are aware of those who watch over your home, and experience it as a place to visit and play with reality. You are becoming aware of yourself, as a Gamemaster.”

A year and a half passed. My life had changed at the most fundamental level. A level where I was aware of the consciousness in all life. Yet, I became mired in 'reality' again and slowly fell back into old habits. My direct environment (friends, work, school, San Antonio) and the world at large seemed to be directly impeding my progress by claiming I had experienced only imagination. With every passing day the Transport Experience existed further and further in the past; its influence more a memory than a presence. Then, one day in October of ’01, I received an extra big tip on the table I was serving. A voice distinctly arose in my mind as this happened saying, “You’re going to buy a book after your shift that will completely change your life. Go to Half-Price books.” As I walked within the store I felt guided to a shelf in the very back. The first book I laid my eyes on was “Earth”. The following is first paragraph of that book:

“Greetings, dear friends, we are here. It is our intention to assist you in creating a new vision---a vision that inspires you to live and love on planet Earth. Like a priceless jewel, buried in dark layers of soil and stone, Earth radiates her brilliant beauty into the caverns of space and time. As a value yet to be realized and discovered, she patiently awaits her coronation by her people. She creates you and sustains you, and without her, as you now know yourselves, you could not be. We ask you, as seekers of the great stories, to proclaim an allegiance to Earth. Pledge the transformation of yourselves, which is the journey through light and dark, and honor Earth’s momentous role in setting you free. As threads unravel to reveal your celestial heritage, do not become entrapped by glamour from the heavens, for you too are on a star, reflecting and radiating light to worlds seeking the solutions to their own creations. Your task at this point in time is to activate the Living Library of Earth, to restore Earth and the human version of life to the forefront of creation. This is the journey you are on.”

Within that book I learned and felt much truth, but there was also much, much disbelief. <laughing> And yet, 'coincidences' like that are hard to ignore, the synchronicity undeniable. Somewhere inside the pages I stumbled upon a new word, kundalini. The following week, at another bookstore, I saw a flyer for Kundalini Yoga, the yoga of awareness. Initially I resisted but finally surrendered and gave it a shot. The result was another profound transformation using the techniques of breath, sound, movement, concentration, intention, and visualization. I had discovered an ancient spiritual technology with practical and effective techniques that allowed me to tap into certain fragments of my TE at will. Ideally, my goal is the entire frequency at some point. But I'm patient and young and guided. And here I write in Austin, two and a half years after my first yoga class a spiritual teacher using yoga, shamanism, numerology, and the kabbalah as methods for assisting people towards greater healing, inner peace, and tolerance for all life-forms.

I am grateful and honored to be part of this forum, here and Now, where I can share my views, learn from yours, and to cultivate complete acceptance in this process of discovery with one another.

Truth, Love, & Energy
Deva Singh aka Transport22
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